And when I say “team”, I mean that in the absolute loosest sense of the word.
Since last week was a pretty serious blog post, this week is entirely tongue in cheek. You have been warned!
There comes a time in every authors life when they need to have some kind of assistant. That’s a PR agent, a marketing specialist, a graphic designer, and editor, all the things that an author needs to not only send out the best product, but also make sure it gets in people’s hands.
I recently hired two such specialists, and I have to say, I’m not impressed! They can’t even unpack the books without making the worst mess I’ve ever seen.
But I can’t seem to fire them. I keep asking them if they think they live with me, and for some reason all they do is yell unintelligently and go back to lazing about my apartment. I’ve done my best, but apparently firing them isn’t an option. So I might as well introduce them to do you.
Nicodemus – Marketing Specialist and Idea Man
First there is Nicodemus, who prefers to be called “Demo”. Not demo like the starter pack for a program, but DEE MOW. I don’t know why he pronounces his name like that, but I think it’s fairly safe to assume it’s pretentious.
I hired him to help with world development and character design, but most of his ideas are just “are they hungry? Cause they should definitely be hungry” or something along the lines of “but what if there was food involved.” I’m not sure if he’s starving on the side, or if someone somewhere withheld food from him. He certainly eats enough at my place.
Recently, he’s been placed on a diet and he’s not enjoying it one bit. He walks around the house complaining constantly about how other people get to eat, but he doesn’t. Particularly his counterpart, who is far too thin. We keep reminding him that he now has asthma because of his weight and it’s for his own good to lose it, but he doesn’t really care.
Likes : Napping, Food, Soft things, Avoiding work
Dislikes : Busy days, Changing schedules, Brisby
Miss Brisby – PR specialist and Personal motivator
So obviously I needed to hire someone else. Demo wasn’t cutting it, and someone had to do something around here! About a year after I hired Demo, I hired Miss Brisby, who also goes by “Tiny”.
When I asked why she preferred Tiny, she coughed a little bit, laughed, and then said to not ask questions of the mafia.
I really don’t know what that means.
She’s an extreme exerciser and enjoys having frequent runs. Unfortunately, because our job really requires that she stay indoors on the computer, this results in her sprinting laps around the apartment while I’m working. It’s distracting, and I’ve told her this. But she keeps saying that exercise is important to health, and why don’t I have any organic food in my apartment.
I do. I do have organic food in my apartment. But it doesn’t matter what brand I buy, it bothers her stomach and she isn’t interested in eating it. I don’t know what else to tell her at this point, other than just to buy her own damn groceries.
Also, she’s way too into the next door neighbor. I keep telling her that he’s a dog, but she doesn’t care at all that it’s a bad idea. Ah well.
Likes : Exercise, Annoying people, Pretending to be asleep when she should be working
Dislikes : Pretty much nothing
Hard to find good employees these days! Am I right? :P
I hope you enjoyed! This was a really silly blog but I couldn’t help myself. I hope you have the best week of your life, and you find many books to go on adventures with!
- As always, Black Blood is so close I can taste it! Cover reveal will be coming super duper soon (as in a couple days maximum) and publishing is right on schedule. I even took a week off to prepare for this sucker.
- Heart of the Fae is coming right along! 4 Chapters down, 30,000 words written, and we’re just getting to the good parts.
- I’ve found a map maker for Heart of the Fae! She’ll be collaborating with me very soon, so you’ll all have some really fun things to add to your collection, if you enjoy the book.
- Storefront on THIS SITE will soon be happening! I’m still researching the best options, but I will be adding signed book copies, and book swag to the site so you can buy your own little trinkets to go along with my book series.